every new single mom or to be should read

Single Motherhood

Summer evening, beautiful day, walking by the lake you see happy couples, hugging, kissing each other. Smiling parents proudly pushing stroller with their baby. You pass them and think: “Great, and I’m all by myself… Will I be a good, loving mom, can I do it alone?”.

OF Course you CAN!!!

Well you have chosen not so easy path, but your fate will have for you great award: a BABY. Who will love you unconditionally, you will be the most important person in a world. Single, it doesn’t necessary means solitude. Some psychologists think of solitary as emotion of a mind and comes from lack of positive relations with other people. You feel lonely, and then you see yourself as a lonely person, left by everyone. It’s unlikely that you are alone, but if by a chance you are, don’t fear for anything, be strong, ( you have to, that baby needs you smiling and happy) stand up with a pride. You will have or already have a beautiful angle. On top of that there are always some good people around you that are willing to help, sometimes we just need to look closer. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, you are not alone.

Exemplar of courage and strength

These days its not impossible to raise a child on your own, yeah financially its hard. Especially if you don’t have a stable work or any other financial help. NEVER GIVE UP!!!
Stereotype identifying single motherhood slowly disappears. Moral changes have caused, that model of family becomes 1 spread + 1 more, it’s more frequent. Raising a child by one parent is now more of a choice, (I want a baby, but not necessary a husband). If its not out of choice then you go through more doubts and brainless thoughts, or what if’s…
It does not shock to see a single mom, it does not scandalize, it does not provoke criticism as it used to long time ago. “So why most of the time you go to a court, fight for what your baby deserves ( child support), most likely a mother gets blamed for having a kid in a first place, and stuck with the big bill and more? Will that ever change? We are not in 60’s or 70’s anymore. The guy is just as much responsible for raising a child as a women. If he doesn’t want to be in kids life, fine sometimes even better, but split the costs in half!!!” sorry little too much of a personal opinion, at least what I’m going trough.
Single motherhood becomes more accepted by community, and it represent woman’s independence, strength, power and courage.

Doubts cover fear over tomorrow

Surely you have thoughts if you did a right thing, if you will be able to raise a child… Those thoughts are normal and you have an absolute right to them. Just by having them it shows you are a good person, you will be a good mom. Everyone fears something in life, just most of us never admit to it. You on the other hand, should speak up, talk to someone who will listen, your family, friends any one you feel comfortable talking to. If not, try online forum with women’s just like you, hear their opinion, advice, it’s helpful. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. If you decided to be single mom, causes, which made you choose that path, must have be sufficiently strong, and you felt this was the best way. However, if it wasn’t out of your choice, in moments of weakness think as, how your and your baby’s life would look with a partner, who wouldn’t be able give you happiness, and for who fatherhood would turn out to be too hard. Sometimes its better if a child has one loving parent, instead of asking for love where their is lack or to be witness of misunderstanding among parents. It will give power in sadness, you can not allow on desperation. It can paralyze you, put you in a big depression and cause that you will be numb to everything. In the last 20 years, number of single parents has grown drastically world wide. Families, just in United States are now in big numbers, approximately 13.6 millions according to U.S. Census Bureau in August, 2007.

Your relations with closest to you are important

Wheatear is your family, friend or co-worker, don’t fear anything nor be ashamed to ask for help if it comes to one. Cherishing good relations with people important to you its very important, so you can have some kind of sense of safety. Don’t try to hide your emotions, those negative just as well as positive. If you happy about something let everyone notice that and be happy with you. It will give you big relief, it will allow you to look at it from different perspective. They say, that fear has great eyes. The thoughts that scare you, will loose their power if you say them loudly enough. Really! If you know what’s scares you the most, that’s a first step to help you over come the fear. Trust me with the help of your loved ones, or even a friendly neighbors you will find support and understanding. Its up to you to do the first step…

Great prize

However got to a point that you are a single mom, look at positive side. Motherhood it’s a important role in both lives. If you think by having a child you got many doors closed in front of you, imagine opening them no matter what. It will show you how strong and outreaching your own steps that life has put under your feet. Love that you share with your baby, will help you discover new you, and things you didn’t know are inside of you. Whether you will perceive motherhood as barrier, or as a new period in life, will reflect on your child life. You will be surprised how much strength you will get from knowing your baby depends on you. How it mobilizes you for search of better work, more responsible and boldest. Most important you will never again return to an empty house. There will be waiting on you the most precious thing you can have, who loves you so much. Your child needs protection and caring guardianship. You will make most easily safety and happy environment, by being joyful and settled yourself.

Happy Mom

It will only come from your life style. First of all you have to accept present situation in order to be happy. Don’t think its some kind of a spell or punishment, what’s done its done, not worth it to dig deep in it. Never treat a child as your property or a person who has to substitute lack of a partner. That small, precious human being needs and deserves love, true love and wise love. Don’t make bid card out of your baby in order to get back to his father, even if you feel bitterness to him. If he would like to see child, he has a right to it, but make a vise decision when it comes to that. In order to be happy you need to accept your choices. Its not so hard, you a have a reason to be proud, you decided on extraordinary venture, independent fostering of a child. YES independent-not lonely. Its not written anywhere, that you have to do it alone, maybe you will meet someone worthy to have a family with, who will love you and your baby.
Its very important that you would have most support in the first year of baby’s life. Majority people will be definitely benevolent, but you must be prepared for silly questions too, inappropriate comments. You will be in situations repeatedly, which will reset to confusion, be prepare to respond: I wasn’t ever happier, as I am now. Although you should have someone to stop by, if not move in with you if possible for some time to help out with the baby, groceries or just giving you time to shower. Yeah I said it, if you have time, even 5 minutes, use it every single second of it. Try to listen favorite music in free moments, take walks, read positive novel or watch comedy that will make you laugh so hard. Have consciousness too, that you are not first and not last have been placed in such situation. Talk with other single parents on internet, try to find organizations in your area or online that protect single parents. Its important not to feel lonely in the process of over coming the change in your life. Single motherhood doesn’t mean raising on your own…